Welcome Back To L!FE !!!

08:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
08:30 Weigh 5 lb. lighter than yesterday.
08:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
09:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny, gay personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lb.
13:00 Shopping with friends, buy myself something special.
15:00 Nap.
16:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer.
16:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage.
17:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
19:00 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
20:00 Surprised with a piece of jewelry as a token of love.
21:30 Hot shower. Alone.
22:00 Make love.
23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.

Four men -- an engineer, an accountant, a chemist, and a government worker -- were bragging about how smart their dogs were.

To show off, the engineer called to his dog and said, "T-Square, do your stuff."

T- Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen, and promptly drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed: that was pretty smart. But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff."

Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into four equal piles of three cookies each. Everyone agreed: that was good. But the chemist said his dog could do even better. He called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."

Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10-ounce glass from the cupboard, and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed: that was good. Then the three men turned to the government worker and said, "What can your dog do?"

The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, molested the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers' compensation, and went home on sick leave.

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, their next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel you have on."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes upstairs.

When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob from next door," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Corporate Lesson:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but
the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

5 Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

6 An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

7 I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

8 I went to the butcher the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

9 A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't -- I've cut off your arms!"

10 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.

AVERAGE: Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL-QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.

UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.

QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.

TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.

INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.

STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.

IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.

APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.

A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.

NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.

EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.

SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.

CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.

METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.

DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.

JUDGMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.

MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.

GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.

SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.

IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no one else.

ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.

REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hardheaded.

HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.

ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.

HAPPY: Paid too much.

WELL-ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.

COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.

CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Pain in the ass.

WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.

SHOULD GO FAR: Please.

USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.

VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.

USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.

DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make him feel appreciated.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they're okay, then it must be You.

Rule No. 1 - Never walk without a document in your hands.People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

Rule No. 2 - Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

Rule No. 3 - Keep a messy desk.Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

Rule No. 4 - Use voice mail.Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want you to do work for them. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice-mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

Rule No. 5 - Look impatient & annoyed.One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

Rule No. 6 - Leave the office late.Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m., 7:05 a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.

Rule No. 7 - Use sighing for effect.Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

Rule No. 8 - Opt for the stacking strategy.It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

Rule No. 9 - Build your vocabulary.Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember; they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

Rule No. 10 - Don't get caught.MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forward this to your boss by mistake!

• Illiterate? Write For Help
• Honk If Anything Falls Off
• Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes
• He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
• I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
• You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
• I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
• Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
• If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
• Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
• If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
• Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph
• Guys: No Shirt, No Service! Gals: No Shirt, No Charge!
• If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
• Boldly Going Nowhere
• If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
• The Face Is Familiar, But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop or gum) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow "remove" all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room, until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the "illegal" side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around, asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you are calling just as he or she answers.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

• Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• If you have to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved, and will never achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
• There's a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
• And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle as His messenger.
• You should not confuse your career with your life, because if you have a career that probably means you have no life.
• No matter what happens... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• Never lick a steak knife.
• Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
• "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
• You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

• Cat: The Other White Meat
• Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!
• Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That
• Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
• How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?
• If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets
• Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
• Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!
• My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
• Grow Your Own Dope - Plant A Man
• All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
• So you're a feminist... Isn't that precious
• I need someone really bad... Are you really bad?
• Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
• Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

Jesus loves you... but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

The proctologist called... they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory... some just don't have any film.

Save your breath -- you'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."

Heart Attacks: God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!

Welcome to America... now speak English!

• I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
• Sometimes I just want to be held.
• That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
• We haven't been to the mall in ages. Let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
• Screw Monday Night Football! Let's watch Lifetime.
• I think we're lost. Let's pull over and ask for directions.

26. Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

27. A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.

28. Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.

29. Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.

30. Women do not want an honest answer to the question, "How do I look?"

31. PMS stands for: Permissible Man Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that.) PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.

32. The first naked man women see is "Ken."

33. Women are insecure about their weight, butt and breast size.

34. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

35. "Oh, nothing," has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.

36. Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.

37. Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

38. All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have five pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have five pounds to gain.

39. If it is not Valentine's Day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you do?"

40. Only women understand the reason for "guest towels."

41. Women want equal rights, but they rarely want the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.

42. Only women understand the reason for "the good china."

43. If a man ticks off a woman, she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover that warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up, thus it constantly gets peed on by guys (which gets them in more trouble).

44. Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt-leap toward the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

45. Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.

46. Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?

47. Women fake orgasm because men fake foreplay.

48. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay, but you don't see straight men dancing together.

49. Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.

50. The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, "Oh my God, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me outta here!"

1. Your woman says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
2. Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
3. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
4. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
5. You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
6. "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
7. "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
8. An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and never appears to have noticed that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it!

1. Women love to shop. It is the one area of the world where they feel like they're actually in control.

2. Women especially love a bargain. The question of "need" is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.

3. Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you "just don't understand."

4. Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

5. Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

6. Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

7. Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.

8. Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

9. Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.

10. Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.

11. Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.

12. Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.

13. Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

14. Women think all beer is the same.

15. Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rainforest.

16. Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.

17. If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days' worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

18. Women brush their hair before bed.

19. Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea of how she'll be in bed.

20. Women are paid less than men, except for one field: modeling.

21. Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, "It's there in the Bible." Hmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?

22. Women do not know anything about cars. "Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?"

23. Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.

24. The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

25. Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

Four mothers are in a psychologist's office having a group session. The session ends with the following conclusions:
The psychologist turns to the first mother and says, "You have an obsession with food because you named your daughter Candy."
He turns to the second and says, "You have an obsession with money because you named your daughter Penny."
He turns to the third and says, "You have an obsession with alcohol because you named your daughter Brandy."
He turns to the fourth mother, but before he could say anything, the mother stands up, grabs her son's hand and says, "Come on, Dick, let's go!"

1- It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2- It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3- It is important to find a woman that enjoys having sex.
4- It is important that these three women never meet.

One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was."
An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2."
As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ."
Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business!"

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:.......... What was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day!.......... Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you.......... have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.......... After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion in my life.......... I never believed in Hell until I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......... that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!.......... I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Before you go,.......... I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married.......... but not to you."

"You look great for your age.......... Almost lifelike!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.......... Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......... So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

"We have been friends for a very long time.......... What do you say we call it quits?"

"I'm so miserable without you.......... It's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.......... Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.......... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.......... So we're having you put to sleep."

1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.

2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.

3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3:20 and have summers free."

4. You believe chocolate is a food group.

5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.

6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.

7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."

8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

9. You have no life between August and June.

10. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.

11. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

12. You wonder how some parents ever managed to reproduce.

13. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.

14. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.

15. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "never dream" of doing your job.

16. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

17. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."

18. You want to choke a person when he or she says, "Oh, you must have such fun every day. This must be like playtime for you."

19. Meeting a child's parent(s) instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her, and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."That's Brand Recognition.