Welcome Back To L!FE !!!

Jesus loves you... but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

The proctologist called... they found your head.

Everyone has a photographic memory... some just don't have any film.

Save your breath -- you'll need it to blow up your date.

Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke off.

Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.

Some people just don't know how to drive. I call these people "Everybody But Me."

Heart Attacks: God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

If you can read this... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

Hang up and drive!

Welcome to America... now speak English!